The one thing that I love about being black is the culture of language, and how we express ourselves. Within the black community we could use words like “bitch” or “hoe,” and through tone and cadence could break into myriads of emotional descriptors. It’s not that other cultures don’t have these ways, because we’re built on phrases and words that connects people globally at many levels. Phrases that makes up the epitaph of the black experience, and defines us as the growing force that fuels everything within style, media, and culture. So where am I going with this? Well nigga lemme tell you!
See what had happen was…
I came to this grand conclusion, that “we don’t want real“. To give a better understanding, we have these invisible rules of what “real” is, and being real is the black experience. Real is not being a sucka. Real is doing real nigga shit. Real is being woke. Real is living your truth. Yet the one thing that I’ve notice is that, “we only want real, when real works in our favor“. Lets that sit for a moment (because I had too), but we’re in the shit now. I used to be apart of the dating website Okcupid.com, and like any matchmaking data infused numbers dating site…. It had various ethnicities of beautiful women from everywhere across the world. Yet the one common thread that I’ve noticed with these women’s profiles, is that a good 84% had the phrase “No games, and be real!,” which (some) guys can be on some bullshit (hell I be on some bullshit, but I digress), so I understand. Yet within MY dating experience, I love hearing their phrases of honesty like “if you don’t want to date me, just let me go” or “I only want serious commitment,” only to just fade away after a few conversations. Which you can tell some things have probably happened to them, because I know (some) Men have been “smash & dashing” since “the dawn of man,” and it can leave women pretty jaded. Yet the point that I’m trying to make is that we’re both not without fault, and if we can’t live our own words.
What can we at least do to change it?
Honestly, be real with yourself. I feel you have to be 100% to get 100%, because that’s the bases of a good foundation for anything. Yet we have all these factors that affects the judgement of our own happiness, like society deems women that’s 30 and above need to married at that age. Men are molded to go to college, have a family with kids, and live this pressurized dream that this is success. A woman’s importance isn’t based off of marriage, and men aren’t based off of their material value. Your happiness and building solid relationships are the most important thing that you can do for yourself, but with romantic relationships it can be hard and a lot of trial and error. Just work at it, keep working at it and stick with it, but I understand sometimes you gotta fall back in order to progress forward. I’m not the prime example of what to do or how to do it, but I can show you what not to do.
So does “real” exist?
Yes. But only when you stop letting the pressures cloud what make you happy, and you start doing things your way. Quit being fake and living to standards that don’t make you happy, “whats living, if you lose yourself in the process?” Be an adult and (to a certain degree) stop giving a fuck, learn communication, and just live. It will save your fucking life!
[Insert deep ass quote]
“Not that I’m stupid, we’re just deeply rooted.”